Every night, I think about my life, everything I've been through; studies, friends, school, family. Until now, I still have no idea what I did to deserve all these. And somehow I feel that this phase is never ending. It's really wearing me out. I have to fake a smile every where I go, and I have to think of the consequences every time I do or say something. I'm really tired.

I breakdown every time I think about all these. How much I changed, it scares me. I no longer share much things with my friends and family, I grab every chance of being alone... Comparing myself with the past, I'm really so much quieter now...

I know things are just getting harder, I no longer know how to deal with them. And sometimes, I just feel like giving up everything. I feel so useless... Sometimes I wish people know how I'm really feeling or what I'm going through, sometimes I wish for time alone, sometimes I wish for all these to end... I really want to put a stop to everything, but I never knew how to.

For once, I really want to say and do things without fearing the outcome... For once, I really want to break free.

I always tell myself, cherish what I have, be contented. Because I know someone out there is facing problems much more worse than mine...

And when I smile, it doesn't always mean I'm happy. I'm vulnerable, just like any other girls. I'm no wonder woman.

-


I don't know what might happen after I post this. But I'm gonna just do it... I thought about this for quite awhile already, and I realise that there's really no point of me having a blog when I still bottle things up.

I'm really tired, please give me a break...

Sorry.

EI phase test today. I really hope I can pass. No confidence at all :(

Anyway, nothing much happened today. Having eco car thing tomorrow.

Goodnight all! ♥

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Home Improvement Project, Day 2

Today was so much fun! :D

Early in the morning 9AM
Tika, Farhana, Dania and I met up with Rehana, Van, Ade and Rajeet at Tiong Bahru MRT station, then we began to search for Blk 16 with the help of a map and Mr Ravi's instructions. However, mission failed. Because it's soooo much further down. I think 1 hour also not sufficient for you to find your way there. Hahaha.

So when we arrived, they told us what to expect etc. Seriously, I really have no idea how things were going to be like. But luckily, it wasn't that bad. Then awhile later, Dania and Farhana went over to Jurong West area to join another group.

Then we paint, paint, paint, clean, clean, clean.

Summarise everything...
I really enjoyed myself today, even though it was tiring. And I got to make new friends. Now I know Rehana and Rajeet are from Sri Lanka, and Ade is from Jakarta! It was truly a great experience. 助人为快乐之本 (the joy of helping others)!

Goodnight all! Xoxo.

Home Improvement Project, Day 1

Hi!


Went to school early in the morning for eco car; take photos with the principal and test driving the car. I like driving the car! It's so fun!! Not everybody can drive ok. Don't play, play! Hahaha. But I went home halfway.

'Cause...

Dania, Farhana, Atikah and I are involve in this Home Improvement Project thing.

It's basically just painting houses for the low income families.

So after I went home to bathe and prepare etc, I went to meet the girls and we headed down to Northlight School for our training.

The training was kinda fun and interesting. Got to know new friends, and Faizal was there too!

And the person in charge was like telling us about bed bugs in some of the houses. Honestly, I am a bit worried...

Anyhow, I really can't wait for the next day!!! :) :) :)


Ok, GTG. But before I go, I have something for you guys! Scroll down, 'cause I'm sure you will love it!!!

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SLEEP TIGHT! Xoxo!

This song is so catchy! And cute. Haha. There you go, banana!



Oh, you so good to me
Bananas in my smoothie
Oh, you so healthy
Banana, can you tell me
How you taste so good?
We would marry if we could
Ima put you in my pudding
Just like a banana should

Take off your nana peel
Put you in my cereal
You look so good
Floating next to my Cheerio
Nanas on my pancakes
Syrup on the side
Ima lovin'
Cookin'
Eatin'
Banana kinda guy

Bunches of bananas
Are just chilling in my room
I eat them when I'm hungry
And I eat them when I'm full
Nothing is sweeter
Than a little Chiquita
If banana was a woman
Than I'd really wanna meet her

Who you know that be the best?
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Who you know that be the best?
The best, the best
Who you know that be the best?
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Who you know that be the best?
Bananas!

It looks so classy
Eating the potassy
Short for potassium
Put it in my belly
YUM
No other fruit
Is
Quite
Like
You
You be looking good
In that bright yellow suit

New Orleans
Louisi-banana
Yo
Bring it down south
Antarctic-anana
Bananas in church
Hosana
Banana
Bananas playing tennis
BanAnna Kournikova

Who you know that be the best?
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Who you know that be the best?
The best, the best
Who you know that be the best?
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Who you know that be the best?
Bananas!

Hey
Ugh uh
Bananas in pajamas
Yea
They're coming down the stairs
Ughhhhh

Hellooo! Blogging from my blackberry. Kind of hard... So I guess I will make this post a short one.

Nothing special happened recently. It's better this way; as simple as possible :) But, school ends at 5-6PM for me like almost everyday. And seriously, it's driving me crazy! :(

And and and, I really have to start my revision soon! What transformer, transformer. I don't understand anything. Especially the star, delta shit... So frustrating! :( And worse still, I won't be able to attend the make-up lessons at all, 'cause I will be at Sepang for some eco marathon thing. Oh my goodness. How, how, how?

Sighhhhhh~

By the way, anyone knows when's Fathers' Day?? Some say it's tomorrow, some say 19th! Ughhhh.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Today...

1. I don't understand LonWorks.
2. I no longer pay 100% attention in class. Losing my focus.
3. Eco car, eco car and eco car.



Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. Zzz. Damn stress. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Time really flies!

This morning... Danial, Xue Ling etc and I went for this F1 Simulation thing. Damn fun! It's even better than Daytona, seriously! The "car" got a looooot of effect. I have no idea how to put it in words, but to summarise it, it's really, VERY cool. Ok, maybe not that cool, but still cool? All the drivers got a chance to try it. And I guess it's the exact same track we're gonna have at Sepang.

After that I went to find Dania, waited for her lesson to end and we went for our break.

And I was so unlucky, I hurt my hand during practical lesson. Stupid wires.

ANDDDD, the most frustrating thing is... my stomach hurts since last Thursday/Friday, and I'm feeling nauseous nowadays. OMG :'( I think I'm falling sick!

UGHHHH... and there goes my Monday! Haha.

YAHOOOO.

I'm very happy today.

1. I completed my 2.4KM run within 19 minutes. I know it's not that good, but I didn't run for quite some months already.

2. (Inside joke/thing/whatever-you-call-it!) So no point asking me what is it, cause I won't tell you.

All I can say is... I'M LUCKY TODAY, SO IS FARHANA, erm... Dania? Not sure, hahah! Let's hope things remain this way :)


-

Anyway, JWP project will be due tomorrow... Eco car tomorrow... Shag. I'm so stress, and angry. Every thing's so unfair. Let's hope Mr Ernest will be fair.

FLEA @ SCAPE (PART II)

Yesterday was fun! Absolutely!

+65
25/01