Every night, I think about my life, everything I've been through; studies, friends, school, family. Until now, I still have no idea what I did to deserve all these. And somehow I feel that this phase is never ending. It's really wearing me out. I have to fake a smile every where I go, and I have to think of the consequences every time I do or say something. I'm really tired.

I breakdown every time I think about all these. How much I changed, it scares me. I no longer share much things with my friends and family, I grab every chance of being alone... Comparing myself with the past, I'm really so much quieter now...

I know things are just getting harder, I no longer know how to deal with them. And sometimes, I just feel like giving up everything. I feel so useless... Sometimes I wish people know how I'm really feeling or what I'm going through, sometimes I wish for time alone, sometimes I wish for all these to end... I really want to put a stop to everything, but I never knew how to.

For once, I really want to say and do things without fearing the outcome... For once, I really want to break free.

I always tell myself, cherish what I have, be contented. Because I know someone out there is facing problems much more worse than mine...

And when I smile, it doesn't always mean I'm happy. I'm vulnerable, just like any other girls. I'm no wonder woman.

-


I don't know what might happen after I post this. But I'm gonna just do it... I thought about this for quite awhile already, and I realise that there's really no point of me having a blog when I still bottle things up.

I'm really tired, please give me a break...

Sorry.

+65
25/01